Week 9 ~ 36 Pounds & 17 ¼ inches Gone!

9 weeks ago I went over the border and had a sexy Mexican Surgeon remove 85% of my stomach, leaving me with a tiny tummy.  Since I have been on solid foods again, my tummy has been sensitive, but great overall.  I write down what I eat everyday, but basically I eat Protein first, Vegetables second and Carbs last.

I keep my carbs under 20 per day 3 days a week.  I take an antacid pill with my morning Protein shake and I'm good for the day.  I keep away from spicy foods, which is a 180 degree turn for me.  As of today:

I weigh 245 lbs. 36 pounds gone!

I have lost 17 ¼ inches total.
THAT'S 3 DRESS SIZES SMALLER FOLKS!

I have lost 3 dress sizes and have been forced to start buying clothes to wear.  I have been going to thrift stores, shopping on Ebay and online for cheap deals. 9 weeks ago I was wearing a size 3X T-shirt. 

Yesterday I received this Juggling Squirrel T-shirt Size XL, and it fit perfectly!

I have exactly 100 pounds to lose to reach my goal of 145 lbs.  The way I look at it is, I am focusing on reaching 239.  I eat a couple bits of something yummy and then see how it feels.  I can only take about 4 bites of anything and I'm done.  I do feel better all day after I have eaten meat these days.  The best part about this is, I DON'T THINK ABOUT FOOD ALL THE TIME LIKE I DID BEFORE.  I don't deprive myself anything at all, so I don't long for "Forbidden Foods."   I eat what makes my tummy feel good. 

I PHYSICALLY, LITERALLY CAN'T OVEREAT.  

That is as easy as it gets!

I know it's only 9 weeks in, and I hear the stories of other people who go through long  plateaus and struggle.  Compared to a lifetime of struggling, I am feeling awesome and this is way easier than I thought it would be.  Right now I am really getting smaller and people who haven't seen me in awhile see a difference in my size.  I AM HAPPY.

I'm noticing that I am doing other things I haven't done in years.  I am wearing jewelry and putting on eye make-up when I go out.  I HAVEN'T DONE THAT IN LIKE - FOREVER.  I hadn't bought something new to wear in a very, very long time because shopping when you are fat and broke is not a positive experience.   This is giving me a new lease on life in ways I didn't expect.  I AM BEGINNING TO FEEL BEAUTIFUL.

I have been trying to figure out what my new look will be. I am finding myself drawn to black leather more and more. : )  We will see what I end up looking like.  I am very happy with this success so far. The only regret I have is not doing this surgery sooner.

8 weeks VSG Post Op Updates...

I feel much smaller, but have only lost 1 pound on the scale this week.  I made a huge mistake and took a bite of some very spicy Thai Curry at a lunch meeting this week, and have suffered for days.  Acid Reflux - turning into an IBS chaser, NO FUN.  I can't eat spicy stuff that is for sure.  I am back on liquids and pureed foods for a few days to calm my digestive system down.

8 WEEKS VSG POST OP TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS 34 POUNDS!

On a happier note, I got a new long term contract job with a great new group in Biotech-land, so that is super cool!  My life, health and work have taken a shift for the better.  I even have hope for my VW Leopard Lounge Bus finally getting the problem with the new engine fixed...  THINGS ARE BEGINNING TO IMPROVE IN MY LIFE OVERALL!

I feel like I have changed my stars.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8artJcUSEo

7 Weeks VSG Post Op Update...

So I put on a business suit this morning for an important meeting, and to my surprise, I was swimming in it.  The suit is a size 24, I must wear a 20 right about now.  I had to rig the pants to stay up with safety pins and wear heels so they weren't too long, (which they still were), but I pulled it off.  That suit is going to need to be altered and stat!  I won't go shopping for a new serious suit until I get down to shopping in a normal sizes store - NO MORE SHOPPING AT LANE GIANT.

In February this suit was too tight to even button.  I am shocked really.  It wasn't until today that I REALLY noticed how much I have lost in my clothes.  I weighed myself this week and I am still at 248 lbs., but I have lost more inches than pounds, especially around my waistline and hips.

I have been walking more and feeling more energy too.  I feel like dancing.  Like I want to go out and just dance my booty off somewhere all night, kinda dancing.  I still have back pain, but I am hoping this will begin to lessen as I drop the weight.

My tummy is still sensitive. I can't really eat very much.  I take a couple bites of chicken and salad and just wait to see how it feels.  I try all kinds of things.  I have been told that I will be able to tolerate some of the things I can't right now, eventually. But I can tell you what feels like crap when I eat it today.

My tiny tummy gets pissed off when I eat: 

• Potatoes of any kind, (even mashed.)
• Pasta noodles (but it's okay with rice noodles)
• Hard boiled or hard scrambled eggs (soft cooked eggs are okay)
  
• Rice
• Tomato sauce (it's okay with catsup)
• Sugar of any kind (especially cocktail mixers)
• Coffee (but I get my caffeine from my espresso protein shakes in the morning, not so tragic)
  
• Lemon, Lime and any citrus
• Garlic
• Salsa
• Raw onion
• Anything fried 
• Vinegar
• Wine (Vodka it is okay with, but I'm not drinking much until I reach my goal)
  
• Curry (but Chipotle is okay)
  
• Pizza crust or crackers of any kind (but soft bread is okay)
  
• Carbonated anything (Uncomfortable instantly)

I am still taking the acid reducer pill in the morning.  I write down what I eat everyday to keep track. So far, I can eat almost anything, JUST A VERY SMALL AMOUNT OF IT.  I really don't think about food like I used to.  It's not my personal recreation anymore.  I still love to cook for other people and create yummy stuff in the kitchen, ESPECIALLY GLAMPING FOOD.  I only eat a couple bites and I'm happy.  It's weird and easy.

I am not motivated to stick with the Couch to 5K program yet. My back pain has been kicking my ass, so I am going slow.  Doing more inner work than outer work.  I had some serious breakthroughs.  The more weight that melts off me, the more surprisingly nervous I am at the thought of dating.  I want too, but I'm really shy about it.  Obesity does serve an important service, or we would not have it.  It's inside the uncomfortable feelings that we find out what those fat benefits are.

I think my diva blubber was partially keeping me safe from ever getting my heart broken again.  It was nice not getting hound dogged by strangers.  I hate being rejected and hate rejecting others EVEN MORE.  When they stopped checking me out and asking me out, IT WAS A RELIEF.

People do regain weight after VSG surgery and I bet it's because they still haven't faced what they were protecting themselves from inside.  Becoming smaller doesn't mean we become weaker or more vulnerable.  Being depressed, fat and in pain was crumbling me to my knees, THAT WILL MAKE YOU VULNERABLE, and not in a good way.  The benefits of being fat was a dichotomy of contradictions. It helped me and hindered me.  I was never just accepting myself for who I was and where I was in my life.  I was always trying to "Change" myself.

I finally just gave up and took a vacation from a lifetime of psychotic chronic dieting.  I was hungry, feeling deprived, guilty and starving and overeating MY WHOLE LIFE.  I was great at losing the weight, but keeping it off - NO ONE CAN SEEM TO DO THAT WHEN DIETING LONG TERM.  Even today, I stress out when ever I swallow any food.  This took a lifetime of conditioning.

When you are over 100 pounds overweight, you are freaked out and overwhelmed at the thought of how you got so big and how you could overcome such a big obstacle of losing so much weight, especially after failing so many times at keeping it off.  IT WAS DEFEATING TO EVEN TRY ANYMORE. 

Under the fat was a sense of powerlessness I was most afraid of in myself.  The fear of confrontation and being forced to defend myself.  I had to stop trying to control everything in my life AND LET IT ALL GO.  I have solid bitch boundaries now, and I use them appropriately if needed.

My brain is like an Etch A Sketch that I keep shaking to clear out the old drawings.  I am now drawing something entirely new and original.  I think what makes me less afraid of being "A Target" for unwanted attention today is my age.  I am seasoned, experienced and have been around the block a few times.  I still have my Mo Jo Working, but I have passed my prime and I have made peace with this fact.  It's surprisingly liberating and a comfortable place to be.

I had seen several people have great success with WLS.  This was my  last resort and I'm glad I did it.  This VSG tool is working.  THERE IS A WAY TO OVERCOME THIS.  Everyday I am seeing and feeling the results. If I can do this, ANYONE CAN!

My sense of powerlessness is transforming into a sense of strength and balance.  I'm not holding on to life as tight and it feels safe and much better this way.  FREEDOM EQUALS SAFETY TO ME.  The less I worry about, the better I feel -especially in my body.  Fuck dieting.  I now just eat what makes my tummy and my body feel good.  I certainly know when I am full - I CAN'T OVEREAT.  There is great comfort in that.

The Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat: How to Break Your Eat-Repent-Repeat Cycle Book and the AM I HUNGRY mindful eating course really helped me understand what I was doing and why too.

The first in a series of "Big turning points" for me to do this surgery was when I went to Great America on Halloween with a bunch of friends.  I hadn't been on a roller coaster in over 10 years.  When I got into the seat, the bar could not go down all the way enough to secure me in the seat for the ride.  they asked me to step off the ride.  All of my friends and everyone else just sat there looking at me.  I was mortified.

It was when my heart started having arrhythmia trouble that my doctor recommended the weight loss surgery to help relive most all of my physical problems.  I am very glad I made this decision.  My goal is just to feel in balance and improve my heath and improve the quality of my life. Getting to my goal weight is going to take as long as it's going to take.  This time, THE FAT IS STAYING OFF.  There is hope.

This VSG surgery was the best decision I have ever made.

THANKS FOR FOLLOWING ALONG.

I can't wait to feel the bar click into place the next time I get on a roller coaster.

THAT WILL BE ONE 

EXHILARATING AND AWESOME RIDE!

6 Weeks Post Op VSG Surgery Update...

I think I will post updates every Friday from here on out.  It's been 10 days since my last update.  First, the stats:  Current Weight: 248 lbs. I'm losing slowly, but steadily. My weight goes up and down, but I'm losing inches. I was stoked when I broke into the 40's!

33 POUND LOSS IN 6 WEEKS! 

There are two major issues I want to tell you about.  If you are considering having VSG surgery, it's important that you know the truth about what you can expect and at least what I am experiencing so you can learn from my mistakes and genius moments.  I am a dare devil and usually a fine example of WHAT NOT TO DO.  : )  Here is what's happening currently:

ACID TUMMY ISSUES:
I was one of the lucky ones who had no complications in surgery, or in healing or with anything - UNTIL LAST WEEK.  I am very lucky to say that I have an amazing support system of VSG veterans that have been right there for me to answer any questions and give me awesome advise along this huge life change.  I know without them, I would have freaked the fuck out for sure.

My body is NOW finally adjusting to the huge change in my digestive system.  It started when I began eating soft to normal foods.  Anything I ate was giving me acid stomach.  I ate no acid foods. I ate really slow. I chewed my food better than a cow on meth, but no matter what I ate or drank, I had a sour acid stomach.  It was a serious buzz killer and really ruined my days.

Thankfully, my friend told me this would possibly happen and her doctor said it is normal.  It had happened to her for a few months about 6 weeks in, just like me.  I now take one Omeprazolein in the morning and I feel good all day.  It's like a protector to the tiny tummy as my body adjusts to the huge changes it's going through.  I may need to take the pills for as long as it takes for my tummy to adjust.  I never have had heartburn in my life, so this is really weird for me.

GRIEVING MY OLD WAYS OF COMFORTING MYSELF
A person can feel happy and sad at the same time.  I am happy as hell at my weight-loss success so far.  I can see it and really feel it in my clothes.  I am sleeping better than I have in years.  I'M HAPPY!  Yet, I also have been on the verge of tears at the oddest times.

I used to sooth myself with food, reward myself and comfort myself with food.  I still can, but not in the way I used too.  Don't get me wrong, I get 4 to 5 bites and I feel just right, not too full and not hungry.  I MAKE THOSE BITES AWESOME ONES!  But, I am having to find other new ways to comfort myself. Part of me feels like I have lost my best friend.  

A slice of chocolate anything, a bottle of Champagne and a warm purring kitty by my side, were my fall back program of comfort when I needed to escape the 3 ring shit circus that can be my life.  

Those ways of comforting myself are over (except for the kitty part).  I have watched countless VSG video journeys online and have heard many people talk about going through this difficult part.  NOW I KNOW WHAT YALL' MEANT. 

I have no regrets, but it's hard.  I isolate myself to work on and integrate the changes, which ends up being a very lonely painful process in some ways.  I got to do the work myself because the real change happens in me. Weight loss success is really not about the food. It's about why we eat. 

Put a sign on your refrigerator that says, "If you're NOT hungry, what you're looking for is NOT in here."

I now know what a Caterpillar feels like when it's going through a metamorphosis.  I'm inside my cocoon and I am changing physically and it hurts.  It's not easy, but I know I am where I am supposed to be and I will get through this.  I AM TRUSTING IN MY PROCESS.  I haven't found a therapist who could out smart me for my own good yet, so I'm counting on me.  I am sure I will feel much better when much more weight has melted off of me and I make some serious progress toward my goal weight of 145 lbs.  

Within the next two years a Butterfly will emerge 

from this cocoon and I will be free and fly like never before.

But for now, I'm sitting in the dark journaling my ass off and going through the difficult necessary changes mentally, emotionally and physically. Self awareness into a deep slippery cavern of old wounds that still had not mended, no matter how many pounds I had packed over them to keep a safe distance from feeling, facing and finding a way to forgive and let them go.

I am more happy than sad.  When I start getting super bummed out, I reach in the back of the closet and try on that jacket I wasn't able to button up.  It's now getting loose on me.  I snap right out of it and go for a walk.

The Redheaded Dance Walk Funk Master by the beach...

The weirdest part about having a tiny tummy is that you just are not hungry.  I don't even think of eating.  Most the time if and when I feel empty, I'm thirsty not hungry.  I have had to force myself to eat this week.  I have been adding greens to my diet.  All I want to eat is soup.

From everything I have read, this is why so many people lose the majority of their weight the first year.  I can see why, I got on the scale this morning and it read 251 lbs.  THAT IS OFFICIALLY 30 POUNDS DOWN since my surgery weight 5 weeks ago. 

The hard part for me is getting my ass out and exercising. I also have been noticing that I have been more chilly than usual.  My housemate even said something to me last night.  I do notice I'm getting a little colder, so I've been wearing warmer clothes lately.  Maybe is cause I'm losing body weight?

I have been procrastinating on my walking/running.  Getting active is a challenge for me, but I love to dance and love the sunsets here in Pacifica, CA.  My super funk music mix motivates me to pick up the pace when I am out there.  Like these songs:

Back in the day, I used to club in San Francisco and find the Urban Funk spots that used to play this shit and dance my ass off all night, even on a week night, and still get to work by 9:00am the next day. THOSE WERE THE DAYS : )   Well, they still get my ass moving. So when I'm laying there unmotivated like a SLOG, I put on one of these songs and get in the mood to get my ass out there and take a hardy dance walk to see the sunset and get warmed up.

The other night I found myself dance walking with reckless abandon in my hood near the beach. I don't think I came close to Ben Aaron and the Dance Walk Guru Master.  They totally crack me up. 

I do feel happier than ever.  I'm actually seeing the scale go down and feeling smaller. IT'S WORKING!  I keep my short term goals at 10 pounds at a time.  I don't have a date or any event in mind for my goal weight of 145 lbs. I just know I will get there, just 10 pounds at a time. 

I have been doing a routine of Carb Cycling with the small calories I eat weekly. I found that helped me in the past. Here is the logic behind carb cycling that helped me understand it better by the adorable Darren Mcallan.

The Low Carb High Fat lifestyle, also was easier for me to follow, but I am not planning on being in Ketosis anytime soon.  I do keep my carbohydrates below 20 a day on low carb cycle days.  I find I feel much better when my insulin levels are lower.  I feel more in balance, and don't have the ups and downs hormonally that I used to have. I've noticed it helps relieve my stress levels.  I am much better under pressure and my mind is clearer.

There's a new happy freak in town and she's the fat cute redhead dance walking by a beach near YOU!