Feeling & looking good but still in STALL HELL.

Week 4 of the dreaded weightloss stall and the scale says I'm still stuck at 226 lbs. I'm walking 3 days a week, eating less than 1000 a day or less and my body weight is still stuck at the same place now for a month. THIS IS CRAZY TOWN.  I do however feel smaller all over.  I lost another inch on my hips and tummy and my arms. My face is becoming more slender and refined.  I feel more energy and less pain.  The Bio-identical Hormones have helped my girly problems so far and the doctor is watching me closely.

A size 18 woman's is becoming loose on me.  I'm almost into a size 16.  That means MORE MORE LANE GIANT!  No more big girl stores. When I get frustrated, I stop and acknowledge where I was compared to 23 weeks ago.  I was wearing a size 28, and a 3X.  That is a huge difference my friends.  I am still thick, but curvy and proportionate.  I'm even forming an actual "Waistline" again. Yay!

Shopping online for fun inexpensive things to wear has replaced my comfort and reward eating.  I am starting to wear COLOR!  Black was my signature color always, but I am adding color these days.  I have started a crazy wild shoe fetish.  So much so, I may have to design some shoes of my own. : )

Taking walks on the San Francisco Bay on my lunch hour has replaced my stress eating.  I am back on the Carb Cycling: The Turbo Cycle to help break this stall. Chris Powell has testing this on hundreds of his clients and it has proven to work.  Heidi (his wife) has some helpful tips here. What I am doing looks like this:

Carb Cycling: The Turbo Cycle
If you want to shed those extra pounds extra fast, the Turbo Cycle is for you. Of the four carb cycles, this cycle takes off weight the fastest. Unlike the Easy and Classic cycles, which alternate low and high-carb days, the Turbo Cycle pits two low-carb days against every high-carb day. That means you’ll burn fat two days in a row before your body’s furnace (metabolism) is re-stoked on your high-carb day, and you’ll lose weight really, really fast!

Even though the Turbo Cycle has an extra low-carb day as compared to the Easy and Classic cycles, it is not a severely calorie-restricted cycle that will crash your metabolism. As with the other cycles, women should not consume fewer than 1,200 calories a day, and men should not consume fewer than 1,500 calories a day. And since you’ll have two low-carb days in a row, you may feel less energetic on the second low-carb day. But this is okay. These low-carb days are powerful weight-loss accelerators!

Here’s what a Turbo Cycle week looks like:
    Monday: Low carb day
    Tuesday: Low carb day
    Wednesday: High carb day
    Thursday: Low carb day
    Friday: Low carb day
    Saturday: High carb day
    Sunday: Reward day

As with the other cycles, you can stay with the Turbo Cycle as long as you want, or you can change cycles. This program is tailor-made to you and you alone!

For more information on the Turbo Cycle or any other cycle, check out our book, Choose More, Lose More for Life.

My low carb days I keep my carbs under 20 carbs a day.  High carb days I eat up to 60 carbs per day.  It's actually easy to do this eating lifestyle because you eat high protein and veggies most of the time and you don't feel deprived because you eat carbs on the high carb days and get Sunday to eat a Reward food you may be craving.  Hope this works.

My biggest problem is drinking enough water.  I don't.  I need too.  It's like a chore and it doesn't feel good in my tiny tummy.  Drinking lots of water is uncomfortable because you can only do small gulps.  You have to take it slow and when you are working and super busy, remembering to drink water is not on your mind.  I am setting up timer reminders to take sips every 30 mins. throughout the day.  I will try ANYTHING to break this stall. I am patient.  The holidays are almost here and I am going to be the Bad Girl BBQ Chef this season.  I do a lot of cooking, but not much eating. :  )

I'll be Deep Frying the Turkey at my place this year!

My birthday is on December 13th, 

I hope I am  at least 219 lbs. by then.

Week 10 and I lost 2 more pounds.

I laid in bed last night and felt my hips bones, they have been in hiding for years - kind of like the rest of me under this Diva Blubber.  I am down two pounds from last week and still losing.  I feel fabulous.

I weigh 243 lbs. 38 pounds gone!

I caught a man checking me out yesterday.  I guess my energy is changing in very positive ways too.  I have a LONG way to go still.  Wait until next year!  I'm losing about 2 pounds a week.  My goal was to hopefully lose 6 pounds a month over two years.  I am happy losing the weight slowly, I don't want excess skin. I have 98 more pounds to lose until I make my goal of 145 lbs.

I organized a Tiki Bar Crawl in San Francisco for tomorrow, but really am not drinking, so I am a designated driver.  All I want is to taste a couple of exotic cocktails to see what they are like.  I have always wanted to try the "Suffering Bastard" and sample a real "Flaming Scorpion Bowl" cocktail.  I will tomorrow.

7 Weeks VSG Post Op Update...

So I put on a business suit this morning for an important meeting, and to my surprise, I was swimming in it.  The suit is a size 24, I must wear a 20 right about now.  I had to rig the pants to stay up with safety pins and wear heels so they weren't too long, (which they still were), but I pulled it off.  That suit is going to need to be altered and stat!  I won't go shopping for a new serious suit until I get down to shopping in a normal sizes store - NO MORE SHOPPING AT LANE GIANT.

In February this suit was too tight to even button.  I am shocked really.  It wasn't until today that I REALLY noticed how much I have lost in my clothes.  I weighed myself this week and I am still at 248 lbs., but I have lost more inches than pounds, especially around my waistline and hips.

I have been walking more and feeling more energy too.  I feel like dancing.  Like I want to go out and just dance my booty off somewhere all night, kinda dancing.  I still have back pain, but I am hoping this will begin to lessen as I drop the weight.

My tummy is still sensitive. I can't really eat very much.  I take a couple bites of chicken and salad and just wait to see how it feels.  I try all kinds of things.  I have been told that I will be able to tolerate some of the things I can't right now, eventually. But I can tell you what feels like crap when I eat it today.

My tiny tummy gets pissed off when I eat: 

• Potatoes of any kind, (even mashed.)
• Pasta noodles (but it's okay with rice noodles)
• Hard boiled or hard scrambled eggs (soft cooked eggs are okay)
  
• Rice
• Tomato sauce (it's okay with catsup)
• Sugar of any kind (especially cocktail mixers)
• Coffee (but I get my caffeine from my espresso protein shakes in the morning, not so tragic)
  
• Lemon, Lime and any citrus
• Garlic
• Salsa
• Raw onion
• Anything fried 
• Vinegar
• Wine (Vodka it is okay with, but I'm not drinking much until I reach my goal)
  
• Curry (but Chipotle is okay)
  
• Pizza crust or crackers of any kind (but soft bread is okay)
  
• Carbonated anything (Uncomfortable instantly)

I am still taking the acid reducer pill in the morning.  I write down what I eat everyday to keep track. So far, I can eat almost anything, JUST A VERY SMALL AMOUNT OF IT.  I really don't think about food like I used to.  It's not my personal recreation anymore.  I still love to cook for other people and create yummy stuff in the kitchen, ESPECIALLY GLAMPING FOOD.  I only eat a couple bites and I'm happy.  It's weird and easy.

I am not motivated to stick with the Couch to 5K program yet. My back pain has been kicking my ass, so I am going slow.  Doing more inner work than outer work.  I had some serious breakthroughs.  The more weight that melts off me, the more surprisingly nervous I am at the thought of dating.  I want too, but I'm really shy about it.  Obesity does serve an important service, or we would not have it.  It's inside the uncomfortable feelings that we find out what those fat benefits are.

I think my diva blubber was partially keeping me safe from ever getting my heart broken again.  It was nice not getting hound dogged by strangers.  I hate being rejected and hate rejecting others EVEN MORE.  When they stopped checking me out and asking me out, IT WAS A RELIEF.

People do regain weight after VSG surgery and I bet it's because they still haven't faced what they were protecting themselves from inside.  Becoming smaller doesn't mean we become weaker or more vulnerable.  Being depressed, fat and in pain was crumbling me to my knees, THAT WILL MAKE YOU VULNERABLE, and not in a good way.  The benefits of being fat was a dichotomy of contradictions. It helped me and hindered me.  I was never just accepting myself for who I was and where I was in my life.  I was always trying to "Change" myself.

I finally just gave up and took a vacation from a lifetime of psychotic chronic dieting.  I was hungry, feeling deprived, guilty and starving and overeating MY WHOLE LIFE.  I was great at losing the weight, but keeping it off - NO ONE CAN SEEM TO DO THAT WHEN DIETING LONG TERM.  Even today, I stress out when ever I swallow any food.  This took a lifetime of conditioning.

When you are over 100 pounds overweight, you are freaked out and overwhelmed at the thought of how you got so big and how you could overcome such a big obstacle of losing so much weight, especially after failing so many times at keeping it off.  IT WAS DEFEATING TO EVEN TRY ANYMORE. 

Under the fat was a sense of powerlessness I was most afraid of in myself.  The fear of confrontation and being forced to defend myself.  I had to stop trying to control everything in my life AND LET IT ALL GO.  I have solid bitch boundaries now, and I use them appropriately if needed.

My brain is like an Etch A Sketch that I keep shaking to clear out the old drawings.  I am now drawing something entirely new and original.  I think what makes me less afraid of being "A Target" for unwanted attention today is my age.  I am seasoned, experienced and have been around the block a few times.  I still have my Mo Jo Working, but I have passed my prime and I have made peace with this fact.  It's surprisingly liberating and a comfortable place to be.

I had seen several people have great success with WLS.  This was my  last resort and I'm glad I did it.  This VSG tool is working.  THERE IS A WAY TO OVERCOME THIS.  Everyday I am seeing and feeling the results. If I can do this, ANYONE CAN!

My sense of powerlessness is transforming into a sense of strength and balance.  I'm not holding on to life as tight and it feels safe and much better this way.  FREEDOM EQUALS SAFETY TO ME.  The less I worry about, the better I feel -especially in my body.  Fuck dieting.  I now just eat what makes my tummy and my body feel good.  I certainly know when I am full - I CAN'T OVEREAT.  There is great comfort in that.

The Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat: How to Break Your Eat-Repent-Repeat Cycle Book and the AM I HUNGRY mindful eating course really helped me understand what I was doing and why too.

The first in a series of "Big turning points" for me to do this surgery was when I went to Great America on Halloween with a bunch of friends.  I hadn't been on a roller coaster in over 10 years.  When I got into the seat, the bar could not go down all the way enough to secure me in the seat for the ride.  they asked me to step off the ride.  All of my friends and everyone else just sat there looking at me.  I was mortified.

It was when my heart started having arrhythmia trouble that my doctor recommended the weight loss surgery to help relive most all of my physical problems.  I am very glad I made this decision.  My goal is just to feel in balance and improve my heath and improve the quality of my life. Getting to my goal weight is going to take as long as it's going to take.  This time, THE FAT IS STAYING OFF.  There is hope.

This VSG surgery was the best decision I have ever made.

THANKS FOR FOLLOWING ALONG.

I can't wait to feel the bar click into place the next time I get on a roller coaster.

THAT WILL BE ONE 

EXHILARATING AND AWESOME RIDE!

1 Month Post Op ~ I've Lost 27 lbs. so far!

It's been 1 month since my surgery and I got on the scale this morning and I have lost 27 pounds total so far! HOLY HAIRY BACON BALLS!  In only 4 weeks?  I CAN DIG IT.  You can see it in my face peeps are saying at work.  I do feel it in my clothes.  This is just the beginning.  : )

Many people have asked how long did I wait before I went back to work? Answer: I flew home on a Monday night from surgery, and was able to work the very next day from home and the rest of the week. (I do computer/desk work so it was not difficult) I went back into the office the next Monday without a problem.  Honestly, I have had no problems, just my mental learning curve.  I am following the doctors plan, and everything is healing and going well.

I am on soft foods and have had no problems at all this week.  I am getting used to what and how much/little and how fast/slow I can eat.  I have been able to drink more water too.  I have been sleeping great. 

I must say, having a tiny tummy gives me the reassurance that I am not going to over eat that is for sure, I LITERALLY CAN"T.  It's the best diet tool EVER!  People have been asking me what am I eating.  I have been logging my meals like this in my Gcal daily:

Breakfast: CLICK Espresso Protien Shake (Mocha)
Snack: 4 oz. Non-fat Greek Yogurt w/Fresh Blueberries
Lunch: 4 ozs. Chicken Tikka Masala Meat w/ curry sauce
Snack: 4 oz. Sugar-free Chocolate pudding
Dinner: 4 ozs. Pork Pot Stickers from Tams Restaurant (3 of them)
Snack: 1 No-Sugar added Fudgsicle & Double dose of Chewable Adult Multi-Vitamins.

I start the Couch to 5K beginners running plan tomorrow.  Each session should take about 20 or 30 minutes, three times a week.  I have the COUCH TO 5K APP on my phone to help.

"First off, you may be asking, "exactly how many miles is a 5K?" A 5K is 3.1 miles. We're here to help you achieve your goal of beginning to run your first 5K. Too many people have been turned off of running simply by trying to start off too fast. Their bodies rebel, and they wind up miserable, wondering why anyone would possibly want to run in the first place.

You should ease into your 5K training plan gradually. In fact, the beginners' program we outline here is less of a running regimen than a walking and jogging program. The idea is to transform you from couch potato to runner, getting you to begin running a 5K or 3.1 miles and on a regular basis in just two months.

It's easy to get impatient, and you may feel tempted to skip ahead in the program, but hold yourself back. Don't try to do more, even if you feel you can. If, on the other hand, you find the program too strenuous, just stretch it out. Don't feel pressured to continue faster than you're able. Repeat weeks if needed and move ahead only when you feel you're ready."
 
I also have been using the PACER Pedometer APP everyday to measure how many steps I get in daily.  It's making me way more aware of my movement.

I have back and neck problems, and still live with pain daily.  Nothing that 3 Motrin and laying flat on my back for an hour can't fix, but I am hoping to build my core strength as I lose the excess pounds with a goal to eventually make the pain completely subside and help me become strong enough to run a local 5K!   I used to love running everyday. I am going to take it slow and steady and stick with the program.  SO FAR SO GREAT!

Phat Caterpillar that is learning bad Super Model skills...

It will be 3 weeks Post-Op since my VSG surgery and I got on the scale this morning and I am down 26 lbs. so far.  That seems like a lot.  I am happy, but my tiny tummy is still healing and I am adjusting.  I tried a small amount of soft chopped fish, a pureed tiny Chile Relleno from our local Mexican joint in town, and I had a bad night.  I know I didn’t eat too much, so maybe I ate too fast, or it was the cheese or the chile, but it did not agree with me and I "Chucked Out" for an hour.

For the record, I am not a fan of lunch launching.  I have friends who are models that are professional yarfers and good at it, even lady-like about it.  Not me, if I did it, there was copious amounts of tequila or travel from foreign countries involved.  Loud horrible nasty ass painful wrenching that would sound like someone was dying - That Was Me.  But last night, it was not like that at all.  It didn’t even hurt.  I am back on clear liquids today.

Before VSG, I was known for the term, “Tres Hot” in my cooking.  Ask any of my friends!  I love spicy hot flaming good food and have been making Bad Girl BBQ for many years.  I love me some Jalapeno and Habanero Peppers and Cayenne Pepper replaced my black pepper every day.  Well, I think those days are over for me folks - for a long time.  This tiny tummy is touchy and there is no telling what it wants now.  It’s just trial and error. 

I’m like a Phat Caterpillar that is learning bad Super Model skills.  I don’t want to hurt my tiny tummy, so I’m going to go slower with my Post op diet.  I also have a hard time drinking all of the water required daily.   Are Sleever’s natural made bulimics?  Maybe in the beginning while we are taking our tiny tummies for test drives.  I'm just staying close to home these days in a metamorphosis, but a Butterfly will begin emerge soon.

I'm sure no one is going to recognize me in about a year from now.

I called Uncle Ralph on the big porcelain telephone...

I started on pureed extra soft foods yesterday.  Did good with chicken soup.  I feel better after eating some meat protein blended in there.  I have tried several things.  I did make one huge mistake and found that out the hard way.  I tried some spaghetti sauce, holy acid puke storm Batman, I barfed and had heart burn for 2 hours.  I took an antacid pill which helped calm down the tiny tummy.  I  won't try that again for a few months.  At least I know what puking now feels like with this new size tummy.

It's kind of like driving a new car.  When the gas light goes ON, how far will that get you, REALLY?  I found out that I can eat about 4 Tablespoons worth of pureed meat with broth and I'm just right, anything more and I get too full.

I did find some other things that have really worked well and feel great. I busted out the slow cooker and added a lot of broth to these little make-ahead meals for work.  So far, I either blend them or eat them really slow in tiny bits and chew them very well.  I made a bunch of these tiny meals and popped them into the freezer, so I can just grab one to throw in my Fender lunch box on my way out the door in the mornings.

Here is a photo of some of what I am eating on the VSG Post-Op Surgery Diet.

The Perfect size lunch box for Triple T's daily meals for work.

So far, I'm saving money on food and feel better having these 4 oz. portion sizes made and ready for convenience and easy storage in the fridge.  These you see in the photos are more meat and broth than carbs, so I don't feel deprived of carbs.  The Yo-Yo dieting, repent, diet, starve, repeat cycle is how I got this big in the first place.  I finished an "AM I HUNGRY - MINDFUL EATING COURSE" and it has helped me tons in preparing my mind for the change and lifestyle I am currently undergoing. The Best books and courses EVER!

I am down 21 lbs. in 2 weeks.  I know that is mostly water weight since surgery.  This is a full lifestyle and body change. I expect it will take me at least 2 years to get to my goal weight of 145 lbs.  SO FAR SO GOOD, except for calling Uncle Ralph.

Mexican belly skin wallets?

Holy crap I'm down 20 lbs. in 11 days.  I also posted my measurements today, 3 inches lost so far too!  I'm still feeling good.  The weirdest part is mentally getting used to feeling the new "Full" feeling when eating a half a cup and such.  I'm on the "Full Liquid" only phase of my post op diet.  It's really not to difficult, but I have been dreaming of soft ripe avocado's.  I will get on the Pureed Phase soon enough and get me some.

The bandages came off today and the small incisions are healing great.  No scabs, just 5 soft little pink cute scars.  I went into the hot tub for the first time tonight since surgery.  IT WAS BETTER THAN EVER!  I just percolated in there looking down at my belly and it still is a kind of a shocker to me.  I DID IT AND HERE IS PROOF.  I WENT THROUGH WITH IT AND REALLY DID IT.  I researched and waited so long to make this a reality, and the day came and went and here I am at the beginning of my weight loss journey.

I think scars are sexy.  They tell a story about the stuff we have been through.  I just got 5 new ones that may be the best ones ever.  I think my tiny tummy is healing well, it's still very delicate and sore in there.  After they cut out the 85% of the stomach, I wonder what they do with the leftovers?  ARE THERE BLACK MARKET BELLY'S IN MEXICO?  Do they make soap out of them like in Fight Club?  Human Tripe?  Mexican belly skin wallets? 

Well I'm planning on losing it all my friends (136 lbs.of it.  It's like I'm carrying 136 lb. person on my back : ) and I plan to drop her off and hope to be even MORE FREE THAN EVER BEFORE and in a lot less pain.

VSG is way better than Fen-Phen

I've been home recovering from my VSG surgery for 8 days.  I'm really grateful I was able to work from home last week.  So, I began to develop a bad case of cabin fever and needed to get my ass out of the house last night.  

A fellow vocalist friend of mine and I got to yackin on the horn the other night. She was very knowledgeable in WLS advise.  She was getting over a bad cold and still had to do a gig this weekend (Poor grrl, I've been there : )  She invited me to her show at the Half Moon Bay Brewing Company, and a bunch of fun kooky other friends were going, so I went.

The Highwater Blues Band with 

vocalist Suzanne Rose KICKS ASS!

Doesn't she look great!?!

I didn't dance, but had a total blast 

watching everyone else dance their bootys off. 

Thanks Suzanne for taking this photo of Patricia McGregor and I.

It was great to get out and hang with some of my favorite local peeps!  I drank cranberry juice all night and felt fine.  I remember driving home last night feeling clear headed, happy and ready for a good nights sleep.

It's totally weird.  Food does not look good to me right now.  I guess when they removed the entire lower majority of my stomach,  this included the "Ghrelin -   the "hunger hormone".  VSG may also a Metabolic surgery.

For those people out there who did really great on Fen-Phen back in the 90's (Like myself) and loved it.  It feels like that but without the buzz of uppers in your system.  With VSG you have no hunger, and you won't find yourself biting your lips, grinding your teeth and scrubbing down the grout with a toothbrush in your shower at 4:30am because you can't sleep.

Being free from hunger is a very liberating experience.  I'm not thinking about food at all, just what feels good in my healing tiny tummy.  It's a nice break from an old way of life.  This part is my favorite so far.  In my opinion, VSG surgery is WAY BETTER THAN FEN-PHEN! Fen-Phen was not sustainable, and oh yea, it was also jacking up heart valves and was taken off the market. I remember my heart was turbo charged back in those days, no wonder.   

If it's not sustainable, IT'S NOT MAINTAINABLE.

 ...but having a clean shower is still nice.

Hamster singing in my chest cavity.

For shits and giggles, I got on the scale this morning and I weighed 263 lbs. That is an 18 lb. loss since last Friday.  I guess this is all water weight pouring off of me.  I'm feeling stronger today.  Tiny tummy is making all kinds of noise when I sip my protein shake this morning.  It's like having a hamster singing in my chest cavity.

I must say, I LOVE THE "CLICK Espresso Protein Drink, Mocha" it is replacing my coffee fetish.  I am the portrait of a fine coffee abuser.  I know they said no caffeine and all, but the withdrawals were killing me, so I went with this as a middle ground alternative.  CLICK features a double shot of espresso coffee, 15 grams of protein, 23 vitamins & minerals, and it's great hot or cold.

I started buying a bunch of protein shakes, this is my morning one for sure.  I'll give you a review of them as I try them.  If you are thinking about or planning on having WLS, it may save you some clams when it comes to buying the smallest size shake mixes just so you can try them to see if you like them.