I have been a bit behind in posting my updates. My day job has been so stressful that I have been working day and night and weekends for the past 4 weeks. They laid off someone and we are short a person while at the same time things have gotten even crazy busier. I work at a Biotech start-up, so it is intense, but as of 2017 it has become like a meat grinder without any relief in sight. It has worn me down and I am in serious burn-out.
I wrote a formal letter asking for help. We met to discuss options. We will see how it goes. I love the people I work with, and want to stay. Biotech recruiters have been calling me, and my old company even sent me an email asking how I was doing. I have not responded.....yet.
I'm in menopause, on an HRT patch. I haven't walked or exercised in 3 weeks. My eye started twitching, I am losing sleep and am just physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I was in deep ketosis since January 1st, and feeling great. The scale would go up and down, but the inches were melting off me. The scale not going down feels like I am failing. I thought I would try a "Carb Nite" to see if it would help trick my body. This was not a good idea. I feel awful. Sugar and bread are like a drug. They make me feel worse than a cheap tequila hangover. Once you have been off it for a while, then are back on it, you really feel the difference.
I realize for me doing a Keto lifestyle is actually not about weight loss for me like it once was. It's about feeling clear headed, not craving food, or feeling bloated. Being in ketosis keeps my blood sugar down which helps my mood and my energy levels stay steady throughout the day. I have more stamina and don't get hungry very often so I can do intermittent fasting for longer periods of time.
Eating high fat has made my skin and hair better and I have lost almost a whole other dress size. I find that eating Keto (LCHF) is not always easy to do, but allows me to feel physically really good, but I have not lost many pounds. They keep going up and then down. I am one pound higher than last month, but I am smaller all over. I am frustrated, but not discouraged. I don't do well fasting for more than 16 hours at a time. Going any longer than that, triggers my old dieting cycle. For 30 years I would fast for days, feel freak out deprived, then crazy binge on food. That is how I ended up so big over time. Keeping my calories to 1200 a day, and my keto macros dialed in, still the pounds are not going down. Stress, and more stress.
But why is the scale not going down? I have put my jazz music project on hold, and that is hurting my spirit and soul. I need time and energy to create and rehearse and work on that part of my life that brings me joy. If I could survive as a full time vocalist and artist, I would be in my bliss. I would like to work four days a week and have three days to work on what I love most. These days I get out of bed, go to work non-stop and then go home and go straight back to bed and pull the covers over my head. I never thought my day job stress would rob me of my passion and joy as much as it is. It's time for a change.
Take it from me, having my sleeve is saving my ass when it comes to portion size control. I can't eat very much, but one still has to deal with new ways of comforting, rewarding and soothing yourself, with and without food. A person can regain the weight they lost after WLS. Finding a healthy lifestyle food wise that you like and that works for you is key. I am still trying to figure out how to get to my goal weight and then stay in maintenance. It is tougher than I thought it would be. I see all of these other people out there who have successfully made it to their weight loss goals much sooner than I have. It's going to take as long as it takes. I won't give up, but my stress level has really taken a toll on me.
My workload has become way too high. We are working on a plan to reduce this. When you work full-time plus and are not taking good care of yourself to make deadlines, that is when you need to rethink your whole life. I am. I just put my foot down. I have new boundaries. I am working only 8 hours a day and no longer taking my work home. I am taking an hour lunch break everyday, which is a chance for me to get out and walk/jog my favorite route. I must do these things to keep my health and balance intact. I need to stay grounded, and remember self care during these crazy intense times. I must find time to be in my creative space every day to feed my soul and express the profound beauty I see in the world in inspiring ways.
I dream of a life where I get to work performing and writing original music, traveling, and writing. I see myself getting up in the mornings and running/walking on the beach. Doing a morning and yoga meditation practice. I imagine sharing my life and home with a big fun sexy sweetheart of a man, who gets my weird sense of humor and is not afraid of swimming into the deep end of the pool of the unknown parts of life together. I bet we would have a cat and a dog and live near the sea. How do I create this as a reality in my life?
I wrote a formal letter asking for help. We met to discuss options. We will see how it goes. I love the people I work with, and want to stay. Biotech recruiters have been calling me, and my old company even sent me an email asking how I was doing. I have not responded.....yet.
I'm in menopause, on an HRT patch. I haven't walked or exercised in 3 weeks. My eye started twitching, I am losing sleep and am just physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I was in deep ketosis since January 1st, and feeling great. The scale would go up and down, but the inches were melting off me. The scale not going down feels like I am failing. I thought I would try a "Carb Nite" to see if it would help trick my body. This was not a good idea. I feel awful. Sugar and bread are like a drug. They make me feel worse than a cheap tequila hangover. Once you have been off it for a while, then are back on it, you really feel the difference.
I realize for me doing a Keto lifestyle is actually not about weight loss for me like it once was. It's about feeling clear headed, not craving food, or feeling bloated. Being in ketosis keeps my blood sugar down which helps my mood and my energy levels stay steady throughout the day. I have more stamina and don't get hungry very often so I can do intermittent fasting for longer periods of time.
Eating high fat has made my skin and hair better and I have lost almost a whole other dress size. I find that eating Keto (LCHF) is not always easy to do, but allows me to feel physically really good, but I have not lost many pounds. They keep going up and then down. I am one pound higher than last month, but I am smaller all over. I am frustrated, but not discouraged. I don't do well fasting for more than 16 hours at a time. Going any longer than that, triggers my old dieting cycle. For 30 years I would fast for days, feel freak out deprived, then crazy binge on food. That is how I ended up so big over time. Keeping my calories to 1200 a day, and my keto macros dialed in, still the pounds are not going down. Stress, and more stress.
I am up one
pound from last month,
but my tummy is flatter, my waist is smaller.
but my tummy is flatter, my waist is smaller.
I am into a
woman's size 16, so that is good.
But why is the scale not going down? I have put my jazz music project on hold, and that is hurting my spirit and soul. I need time and energy to create and rehearse and work on that part of my life that brings me joy. If I could survive as a full time vocalist and artist, I would be in my bliss. I would like to work four days a week and have three days to work on what I love most. These days I get out of bed, go to work non-stop and then go home and go straight back to bed and pull the covers over my head. I never thought my day job stress would rob me of my passion and joy as much as it is. It's time for a change.
Take it from me, having my sleeve is saving my ass when it comes to portion size control. I can't eat very much, but one still has to deal with new ways of comforting, rewarding and soothing yourself, with and without food. A person can regain the weight they lost after WLS. Finding a healthy lifestyle food wise that you like and that works for you is key. I am still trying to figure out how to get to my goal weight and then stay in maintenance. It is tougher than I thought it would be. I see all of these other people out there who have successfully made it to their weight loss goals much sooner than I have. It's going to take as long as it takes. I won't give up, but my stress level has really taken a toll on me.
My workload has become way too high. We are working on a plan to reduce this. When you work full-time plus and are not taking good care of yourself to make deadlines, that is when you need to rethink your whole life. I am. I just put my foot down. I have new boundaries. I am working only 8 hours a day and no longer taking my work home. I am taking an hour lunch break everyday, which is a chance for me to get out and walk/jog my favorite route. I must do these things to keep my health and balance intact. I need to stay grounded, and remember self care during these crazy intense times. I must find time to be in my creative space every day to feed my soul and express the profound beauty I see in the world in inspiring ways.
I dream of a life where I get to work performing and writing original music, traveling, and writing. I see myself getting up in the mornings and running/walking on the beach. Doing a morning and yoga meditation practice. I imagine sharing my life and home with a big fun sexy sweetheart of a man, who gets my weird sense of humor and is not afraid of swimming into the deep end of the pool of the unknown parts of life together. I bet we would have a cat and a dog and live near the sea. How do I create this as a reality in my life?
 |
| I don't think I will ever actually retire, just once I have the basics taken care of, I will begin to live a life I was meant to live. |
