Mindfulness & Post WLS

Yo Whirled,

I'm writing to give yall' my monthly WLS update and tell you my story so far on this weight loss journey.  I realize, that if you are here reading this right now, you either are considering getting WLS or just curious about what life is like for a person who actually went and had their innards changed because they needed to lose a significant amount of body weight to be gone from their bodies like myself.  

What I have to tell you is, even if you lose a large amount of weight, you will still come to the place in yourself that you will need to face that has mostly nothing to do with food or exercise or dieting when it comes to getting to your weight loss goal.  

You will still have to deal with the emotions, the addictions, and for some of us, the past traumas that were never released from the body itself, before you can get real long term change.

I have been a mindfulness tourist for many years.  I was happily distracted by turning over cosmic and mystical rocks, finding hidden truths in EVERYTHING. I was trying to understand the what, why and who of Life and existence.  I was a bitchin good dreamer, that became good at controlling my dreams and have been embarking on OBE exploration.  I guess you could say I was never a faith based person.  I wanted the straight dope answers first hand and am ballzy enough to defy everything I was taught and look behind the curtain and go straight to the Source myself to find the real Truth I was aware of inside my Core.  What I have found out so far is outstanding!

My curiosity and courage have made for a full rich inner life. With not much to show on the outside to the world as far as earthly success, I have lived an outstanding and beautiful full life on the inside so far.  The more I learn the less I seem to know, and it's damned exciting but also a great distraction from feeling while being IN MY BODY.  It's time I embrace and feel and release my past wounds from my body.  They are sitting in my gut, they ARE MY GUT.  Do you have parts of your body that are holding onto the past?  

I spoke with a practitioner of Somatic Experiencing this week.  I will need to hold someone's hand while getting through them, and help to get these old unresolved parts out of me and released from my body.  I am going to do some sessions. I'll let you know how it goes.  My intention is to have a lighter heart and flatter tummy.  I still feel sexy, sassy and am grateful for every moment I am alive no matter what the scale says or how many new wrinkles may show up around my eyes. I do laugh a whole lot, Dem Be Laugh Lines Dammit. : o  

My weight has remained the same this month.  It goes up and down.  I am far from my goal weight, but feel good at a size 16.  It's way better than where I was 2 years ago at a size 28, that is for sure. I am sure I would feel more confident if I were smaller.  No one can be skinny enough or rich enough right?  Mindfulness and the practice of being more present in every moment has been changing my eating and movement on a daily basis.  

Having this tiny tummy has been the best thing ever for managing portion control.  I just can't eat very much in a sitting, but don't be fooled. You can regain the weight all back if you are not careful. Body image, self worth, self acceptance, and choosing to make your body feel good while you are in it, is what makes the quality of life worth living.  I am still trying to figure this part out.  I have a feeling that once my "Change of life" part subsides, I will find balance again.  I know I will get to my weight loss goal eventually.  My spirit is strong, my body will catch up soon.  

Some days I am frustrated and discouraged. Other days I am angry and push myself, hurt myself in the process and then mend.  I spent a lifetime weighing food, starving, obsessing about swallowing calories and drinking gallons of water every waking moment. WLS does not change this part. You still will need to watch yourself, but with a small tummy and not having the Hunger hormone any longer, you won't feel as hungry or be able to eat as much.  This is a huge bonus for those of us who have had the sleeve gastrectomy surgery. 

Life post op long term is mostly psychological, emotional and personal when it comes to weight loss success.  How you deal with stress, grief, pain, loss, anger, sadness...it's all related to food, connection, feeling safe, secure and how you care for yourself.  All of this stuff affects your body weight, and quality of life.  How do you define quality of life?  For me it's loving and accepting myself where I am and being able to experience joy, love, freedom and creating new things and sharing them with fun, deep thinking, smart ass friends.  Good people and good times. 

I am learning how powerful intention is in my ability to change myself. I'll report more on that part next month.  Hang in there beautiful peeps.  You and I will get there, one breath and step and a time.

The best cure for the body, is a quiet mind.